"New Year's resolutions come and go. Some we keep, some we don't. In order to make lasting changes in our lives, we must first change our minds." --Elizabeth Thornton
This time of year seems to be all about making new resolutions & long lists of all the things you are finally going to change. According to Forbes magazine, more than 60% of people in the United States create goals for the new year but only 8 percent of people achieve them. In fact, U.S. News estimate that by the second week of February, 4 out of every 5 resolutions will have already failed. I propose that we go about things differently for 2019.
December and January are great times to do some reflecting about how this past year went and the direction you want to take in the coming months. Even I get a little caught up in the excitement and freshness of a new year. It's great motivation to finally do that thing you've been putting off. First, let's recognize that who you are right now is already amazing. You don't need to try and force yourself into some arbitrary standard set by society to be worthy of love or affection. You are worthy exactly as you are in this moment. Please don't fall into the trap of thinking that you need to change just because everyone else is. Second, there's really no such thing as "New Year, New Me". There's no magical force that occurs the morning of January 1st to transform you. That work must be done yourself. You are the same person you were on December 31st... but that's okay! There is no need to start from scratch. Instead of attempting a 180 degree shift of the things you've done this past year, try using your strengths as building blocks for continued improvement in the coming months.
Done right, resolutions should be invigorating, not overwhelming or from a place of self-loathing. Instead of focusing all our energy on the attributes we dislike and want to change, let's focus on the type of people we want to become.Often when we change our perspective in this way, the everyday nitty gritty falls into place all by itself.
"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new." --Socrates
As 2018 began, I was six months pregnant with my second baby and totally unsure of what this transition would look like for our family. So I decided to do something a little different for my resolutions: I didn't put any quantities on my goals. I know from experience with Masi that it is impossible to predict exactly how life with a new baby will be so I didn't want to set myself up for failure or have to completely rewrite resolutions after the baby was born. Instead of saying that I will exercise 5 times a week and writing up an elaborate schedule in order to manage all of my brand new habits, I decided to just make a few general goals with one overarching theme.
Theme: Be Present
*Create a schedule for me & Masi to be more productive
*Read more books
*Write in my journal regularly
*Listen to more podcasts
*Meditate, yoga
*Plant over processed (meaning to eat at least one fruit/veggie before indulging in a craving. It usually makes the craving go away.)
*Hydrate or die (a saying Blake picked up in basic training.. basically drink more water)
By no means was I perfect in even these vague goals. Our family went through a couple different routines to fit changing circumstances, I didn't read as many books as I wanted, or write in my journal as often as I'd hoped. I did not do any meditation or yoga this year. But my resolutions fulfilled themselves in ways I couldn't have predicted. I wanted to read 6 books this year and I only got through four, but it's still more than in 2017 so I'm counting it as a success. As a young mom, I never found the time to sit on the floor in a perfectly silent room with the scent of burning incense to meditate but I did discover that repetitive chores like dishes and laundry gave me quite a bit of time for reflection. Perhaps the most surprising development in my year's goals was this blog. It was not part of my original resolutions but I consider it part of journaling and I am really excited for the unexpected direction it is taking me.
As 2018 closes and the new year begins, it's natural for us to reflect on the things we've accomplished and the highs and lows we've experienced. I love to take time to ponder on the experiences and lessons I've learned the past twelve months and envision what the coming months will bring. But now my resolutions are not brand new habits and to develop but instead small adjustments I want to make to continue developing characteristics that are important to me.
This year, I'm not adding "lose 20 pounds" or "become more organized" to my list just because it's what I've always resolved but never actually done. I'm keeping my list of resolutions short and meaningful.
My Personal Resolutions for 2019:
Theme: Intentional
*Health = Happiness
*Create a routine- not schedule-for our family's day to day life. Including starting homeschool this year!
*Read lots of books
*Journal & blog often
*Spend lots of intentional, meaningful time with family/friends
If there's some adjustments you've been considering for a while, DO IT! You don't need a new year, a new month, or even a new week to try something different! The first time I exercised after Masi was born was a Friday morning. I'd been wanting to start being healthier for months, but kept putting it off because it was never the "right time". No one starts a workout program on Friday, right? But the truth is that you don't need to wait to make a change. In fact it's better that you do it right now. Today, Wednesday afternoon at 3 pm is as good a time as any to be more kind, more present, more generous, more forgiving, or to do something good for yourself.
This year, let's recognize our strengths and be gentle with ourselves in the areas we may need some growth or improvement. Let's be flexible because you may find that you need to drop one of your resolutions as you pick up a different, unexpected one. Let's live our lives and follow the things that bring us happiness, instead of being chained to a strict schedule of productivity for the year. Let's say no more to the excess things in life so we can say yes to the things that truly matter.
So often we try to overhaul our entire lives come January 1st with enthusiasm and grandiose ideas of the skinnier, more productive, happier person that we will become. But by February or March the adrenaline has worn off and we're left burnt out & feeling like failures. But it shouldn't be that way. Real lasting change takes time to set in and progress isn't linear. You're a human being, you're not perfect and will sometimes fall short of even your most well intentioned plans. If falling off the wagon causes you to beat yourself up & feel like you might as well scrap the whole thing and wait until next year... you're probably doing it wrong. If you're in the habit of creating a long list of grandiose resolutions, then putting it in a drawer never to be looked at again... you're probably doing it wrong.
Instead of giving yourself a long list of things to Do, try having a smaller list of things you want to Be. Be more present with your family &friends. More intentional with your time. Be kinder- to others and yourself. Be more generous. Be more active. Whatever you want to be. Then you have the flexibility to go at your own pace, make mistakes, but still get back up and try again. You can--and should-- reevaluate often & even adjust things that just aren't fitting with your lifestyle. This is not to say that there is never a place for structured goals & detailed plans: I have a few of those myself. Whatever your resolutions for this upcoming year includes, it should excite you, not overwhelm. Resolutions shouldn't be a rigid list but instead be a guide of qualities you want to improve. Something to inform your decisions throughout the year. To help you go in the right direction. I hope that when you look back at 2019 you see not a list of things you have done, but evidence of the person you've become.